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I flinched.

[ Apropos of nothing, this is just a message Ellis gets one evening. It sounds a little like Tony is answering a question no one asked. ]

[ He could maybe make a guess at the context of this, but he refrains. There's a beat of contemplative silence before he questions— ]

You flinched?

Yep.

There was a rift, and it was only me and another shard-bearer, and you need more than one to close one of those bad boys. Had to show up and I didn't.

You ever had that? I mean, of course not, right.

Yes. I've had that.

[ the blight is different than a rift, but what tony describes here comes to the same thing as far as ellis can tell. ]

Was anyone hurt?

Mm.

[ His tone makes that a 'no'. ]

Freak development bailed us out. Baudin was talking about it on the crystals, dunno if you tuned in. And if she'd chosen some other time to do something unprecedented, I don't know. Could have been bad.

I don't know if it's just 'cause I'm here or what but it's not me. I'm not that guy.

It's human, or so I was told.

[ ellis hadn't found that much of a comfort either. credit to warden joppa, he'd tried. ]

It will lessen in time. [ unspoken: if you're lucky ] In the meantime, you can plan for it, so you're not caught off-guard again.

[ Unseen through the crystal, Tony half-smiles at the qualifier to this first thing. Relatable content. ]

And how do you do that, chief?

[ That sounds more specific -- does an Ellis do that, rather than any figurative person who might freeze up when the going gets tough. ]

[ Surely not process trauma in a healthy way. ]

Make sure you have someone on hand who can act when you cannot.

[ That induces a weird pang outta nowhere that Tony doesn't appreciate. (Outta nowhere, as if feeling homesick and missing the people who were in your life is somehow unwarranted in this circumstance. Gross, though.) ]

Okay. Hey, thanks for volunteering.

[ Oh.

Ellis knows he'll make it weird if he says the first thing that comes to mind (I'm honored.) so he doesn't. There's a contemplative pause instead while Ellis rides out the rush of surprise and guilt at this sentiment. ]

You're very welcome.

[ In the extremely literal sense that Tony's welcome to prevail on him. ]

[ That feels like it should be followed up by a real thanks instead of, like, A Line That Dimly Implies The Real Thing But With Extra Deniability, and Tony hesitates over that contemplation before it's dragged to the mental recycle bin. ]

Yeah, you kind of remind me about someone I guess. Tell you about it when it gets extra maudlin sometime.

I'll gladly listen.

[ even if he will suffer by comparison, most likely. ]

We'll need drinks for it, I assume.

[The yard is all slate gray and miserable in the early mornings, and the chill is sharp enough to keep most otherwise willing hands tucked up in their beds for as long as possible. It leaves the pair of them plenty of room in which to work.

--Of which they've done plenty of already this morning, moving through simple forms of the parrying dagger at fourth and half speed. de Ricart is quite nimble with his left hand, producing the ugly blade from his belt with the deft flick of a wrist. Here is a block, here is how to twist the wrist to lock an opponents blade with the quillion. Here is how to redirect its momentum to turn a strike or twist the weapon away from your enemy's hand.

Its simple, and requires very little in the way of conversation except for sometimes:]

Let your shoulder fall more easily. Again.

[ He has been very lucky to stumble into Marcoulf's tutelage. It becomes clear within the first few minutes of their exchange that Marcoulf de Ricart knows exactly what he's doing and Ellis should be grateful a chance scribble on in his book attracted his attention.

As suspected, this is not an easy art for him to learn. It's a different way of using his body, and it relies on the poorly-healed, clumsy fingers of his left hand. There are moments when he would be free to ask for reprieve, but he never does. This momentary break, clash of blades giving way to instruction allow for Ellis to step back, take a deep breath and shift his grip on the hilt of borrowed dagger as he absorbs the direction. ]

I'd have thought the issue lay in my fumbling over getting the dagger out, long before my shoulder was ever involved.

[ Marcoulf is faster. Logic says a beginner cannot hope to match their teacher so quickly, but Ellis is still very aware of the failing. ]

[He's very spare with the fine silvered rapier throughout - plays mostly off the parrying dagger, which is good because it's what they're here for. Even still, it's an odd way of fighting. What swordsman uses his long blade to redirect, and his off hand dagger to strike?]

Your hand is attached to your arm.

[Which might almost be a joke; he's as mild in this as he is walking Ellis through the combination. Laissez faire about--]

What happened to it? To your fingers.

Broken, [ Ellis returns placidly, punctuated by the muted tack-tack-tack of metal meeting metal. His breath puffs white in the air between them as he mirrors Marcoulf. ] I wasn't traveling with a healer, so I had to make due.

[ Glossing over that frantic, agonizing night: Filip dragging him bodily upwards, out of that cave, and the way his hands had been shaking as he attempted to set the break. The details are unimportant; he offers a simple truth instead. His hand was broken. He made due. ]

You're a patient teacher.

[ Whose technique Ellis is not one to question. The strangeness of Marcoulf's approach has clearly served him well. Who is Ellis to object over his form? ]

[He sniffs.]

Mind your shoulder again.

[The tang-tang of ringing metal punctuates it. After some series of combinations, some clucking corrections:]

Why use a knife? Your mace seems to suit just fine.

[Someone regularly loiters in the training yard.]

[ There's a breathless flash of a grin, even as said knife is twisted out of his hand. ]

Do you never wish to have something in reserve?

[ For a long time, Ellis hasn't. It hadn't mattered to him then, but enough has shifted that he finds it necessary to learn at least one new trick. ]

And I need a challenge.

[ Kirkwall does not offer the same visceral challenge that surviving on his own, in the wild and against darkspawn, had done. Ellis doesn't expect Marcoulf to measure up against all that, but being outmatched in a new field comes close enough to what he's missing. ]