[ Of course she doesn't. It's not her fault, coming at this with only a fraction of the necessary information. There's going to be a right time to have that conversation. But this isn't the right time, not on the heels of all her hurt and now the muddle of trying to dispel the notion that he'd been waiting for months on end to try and marry her in. ]
I know. And I'm sorry for that too.
[ Though the impending threat of more tears is a strong motivator to do...something. Ellis certainly doesn't know what. ]
I don't care very much for science, but I care for you and Tony. Does that make sense?
[ Every time he says it aloud, he's more and more aware of how stupid he's been.
But then, what did he actually expect? He came here because he was so utterly miserable over being on his own. Just crossing into Kirkwall had been tempting fate. ]
[Does that make sense? It isn't really so difficult a concept. So, all right. He cares for Mr. Stark and for her, and he doesn't have to want to court anyone to worry, to care, to want to be in their company. After all, she'd rather slowly transform into an old gray haired spinster than marry him but it isn't as if she doesn't care. She might have said something earlier if she didn't.
So then why make it so complicated? Why pretend it isn't just that straightforward?
Wysteria searches his face, her hands tight in his. Finally:]
It's really not so serious, Mr. Ellis. You don't have to be angry at Mr. Stark just because I am.
[ It has to be only human to be wrong-footed by that response. Ellis blinks at her before he decides to take this very gracious gift and accept the abrupt change in subject to one that makes him feel less like he's collapsing in on himself like a dying star. ]
I don't like that he upset you.
[ The words of a man who doesn't fully grasp what's at stake here. ]
[She sharpens, that ribbon of fury flashing in the set of her brow. Not angry at Ellis, just angry.]
I'm sure if he knew, he would think I was being perfectly unreasonable. And if he was at all sorry, it would only be because he'd been caught.
[Her hands abruptly part from his. She wipes her eyes. She scrubs her cheeks with her sleeve.]
I won't have it. In fact, I would prefer we never discuss it again. The best way of getting even [she says, and it sounds like she is quoting the spirit of something if not the letter] is simply to do well.
There is nothing at all to make up, Mr. Ellis. I'm perfectly fine - disappointed, [she insists, smoothing her skirts now] but certainly not hurt.
[She strictly does not look around to see who might be looking, to see who may have seen. It's all fine. Instead she gives him a very fixed smile that she means to be very natural.]
See, all is well. There is no need to be concerned. All our associations can continue on as if perfectly normal.
[ As in Ellis doesn't believe this at all, but is unwilling to argue the point further when they're barely a few minutes out from Wysteria crying. He reaches to squeeze her elbow, hopefully in a reassuring manner. ]
Will you let me walk some of the way back with you?
[Where is she going? She doesn't know. She makes it up.]
Then you may go with me as far as the slip. I have some business for Base Operations to see to in Kirkwall this afternoon, but I refuse to take you any farther from your duties. [In the library? Sure.] And only if you promise that we will talk about something pleasant on the way.
[ Which luckily has a high chance of just being Wysteria talking and Ellis listening, but that's fine. It's fine most days, and it's especially welcome now.
He offers her his arm. Possibly a thing polite humans do?? Easy enough to decline if it isn't a comfort. ]
[It is. A comfort. And for a split second her face starts to crumple over it, the line of her mouth growing strained and desperate from the sick sense of loneliness that rises in her like nausea. And then she has schooled her expression again, because that is ridiculous and she has no reason whatsoever to still be upset and they will never discuss this and nothing will change and it will be fine because she knows better. She is determined to remember it this time.
So she links her arm in his, and if she grips him very tightly to her side then it's because she doesn't know her own strength and it has nothing to do with wanting to keep him next to her. You will be a more pleasant person, she had sworn to herself when they'd all returned to the Gallows and found Riftwatch in the process of burying them. That way the next time you interrupt your own funeral, someone will look for you first out of everyone else.
If they are only friends, she can take his arm and ask him questions and not feel as if she is lying to him with her interest. And he need not worry at all about being forced to think about who between herself and Mr. Stark he likes best.]
In that case, let us begin by telling me what you were doing in the library. Were you looking for someone?
[ He has a lingering suspicion that she's still unsteady, though he doesn't see any value in calling attention to it. Her voice is light when she questions him, and they've steered towards less fraught topics, so the walk will at least be less anxiety-inducing for him and hopefully a good distraction for her.
The scholars are likely very relieved or very disappointed to see them go. Ellis doesn't let himself look around to take stock. ]
No.
[ Though sometimes he cannot help but look for Mhavos, who has not returned and perhaps never shall. But Ellis glances around for him regardless before making any selections. ]
I finished the last book I'd borrowed, and needed to trade it for another so I'd have something to read after my shifts on watch.
[ It occurs to him that it's not such an exciting explanation, but oh well. ]
[It is not in the least bit exciting. But she finds for the moment that is perfectly acceptable. It makes it much easier to pretend she doesn't care who is watching them as they make their way from the corridor, or how red her face must be. Look at them. They are perfectly fine.]
Oh? I had no idea you were such a voracious reader, Mr. Ellis. You must tell me what sorts of books you like best. I might be able to recommend a few of my favorites, and then we could discuss them when we make our way out to study new rifts and so on. A small club, as it were.
[ Ellis shoots a suspicious look at her. This does not seem fine. But he does acquiesce, cautiously nodding. ]
I would like to read your favorites. [ No commitment one way or another on the club. ] Archivist Dalat had left me some suggestions before his departure, but I've read almost all of them by now.
[Actually that will be better. It is closer to the Seneschal's office than to the ferry slip, and she can pretend to find something there which requires her immediate attention.]
Ah, yes I am. There is a requisitions list I need to fetch from my little desk there. I can write down a selection of titles as well.
I have not. I thought it best to leave him to his own devices to begin with - to allow for a period of acclimation, as it were.
[Which sounds to her absent ear like a good thing to say instead of 'I've been busy and only have so much patience for describing the names of the calendar months.' Not that Mr. Fitz has asked. But she can imagine a conversation like that.
—Though. Come to think of it, someone should see him more well acquainted with the work.]
[So it is. The door is half closed, no doubt to discourage visitors. It is late in the day and sometimes the Seneschal's nerves are quite shot indeed by this hour.
Wysteria quietly removes her hand from inside the angle of his arm.]
And come to think of it now that we are here, there is a report I've been avoiding. I should see to it.
[For a moment, she doesn't quite understand his meaning - just the reassuring warmth of his hand and how earnest the shape of it all seems. And then, once the use of it penetrates, she is blinking rapidly to fight down the prickling sensation behind her eyes.]
Yes of course. [Said absently. Her hand shifts, fingers setting so she can squeeze his in return. It is like a thank you or a promise.] I'm always so grateful. To discuss books.
[Then her hand is gone from his. She smooths down her skirt and tucks some stray tangle of pale hair away.] Good day, Mr. Ellis. [And in a flurry of skirts slipping through the doorway, she is gone entirely save for the bright quality of her voice from the room beyond: 'Oh Seneschal, you are still here—']
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
I know. And I'm sorry for that too.
[ Though the impending threat of more tears is a strong motivator to do...something. Ellis certainly doesn't know what. ]
I don't care very much for science, but I care for you and Tony. Does that make sense?
[ Every time he says it aloud, he's more and more aware of how stupid he's been.
But then, what did he actually expect? He came here because he was so utterly miserable over being on his own. Just crossing into Kirkwall had been tempting fate. ]
no subject
So then why make it so complicated? Why pretend it isn't just that straightforward?
Wysteria searches his face, her hands tight in his. Finally:]
It's really not so serious, Mr. Ellis. You don't have to be angry at Mr. Stark just because I am.
no subject
I don't like that he upset you.
[ The words of a man who doesn't fully grasp what's at stake here. ]
I'm sure if he knew, he would apologize.
no subject
I'm sure if he knew, he would think I was being perfectly unreasonable. And if he was at all sorry, it would only be because he'd been caught.
[Her hands abruptly part from his. She wipes her eyes. She scrubs her cheeks with her sleeve.]
I won't have it. In fact, I would prefer we never discuss it again. The best way of getting even [she says, and it sounds like she is quoting the spirit of something if not the letter] is simply to do well.
no subject
Is this something that requires revenge instead of an apology?
no subject
It is a matter of professional integrity, Mr. Ellis.
no subject
[ Don't tear this marriage apart Wysteria!!! ]
no subject
[She strictly does not look around to see who might be looking, to see who may have seen. It's all fine. Instead she gives him a very fixed smile that she means to be very natural.]
See, all is well. There is no need to be concerned. All our associations can continue on as if perfectly normal.
no subject
We'll see.
[ As in Ellis doesn't believe this at all, but is unwilling to argue the point further when they're barely a few minutes out from Wysteria crying. He reaches to squeeze her elbow, hopefully in a reassuring manner. ]
Will you let me walk some of the way back with you?
no subject
Then you may go with me as far as the slip. I have some business for Base Operations to see to in Kirkwall this afternoon, but I refuse to take you any farther from your duties. [In the library? Sure.] And only if you promise that we will talk about something pleasant on the way.
no subject
[ Which luckily has a high chance of just being Wysteria talking and Ellis listening, but that's fine. It's fine most days, and it's especially welcome now.
He offers her his arm. Possibly a thing polite humans do?? Easy enough to decline if it isn't a comfort. ]
no subject
So she links her arm in his, and if she grips him very tightly to her side then it's because she doesn't know her own strength and it has nothing to do with wanting to keep him next to her. You will be a more pleasant person, she had sworn to herself when they'd all returned to the Gallows and found Riftwatch in the process of burying them. That way the next time you interrupt your own funeral, someone will look for you first out of everyone else.
If they are only friends, she can take his arm and ask him questions and not feel as if she is lying to him with her interest. And he need not worry at all about being forced to think about who between herself and Mr. Stark he likes best.]
In that case, let us begin by telling me what you were doing in the library. Were you looking for someone?
no subject
The scholars are likely very relieved or very disappointed to see them go. Ellis doesn't let himself look around to take stock. ]
No.
[ Though sometimes he cannot help but look for Mhavos, who has not returned and perhaps never shall. But Ellis glances around for him regardless before making any selections. ]
I finished the last book I'd borrowed, and needed to trade it for another so I'd have something to read after my shifts on watch.
[ It occurs to him that it's not such an exciting explanation, but oh well. ]
no subject
Oh? I had no idea you were such a voracious reader, Mr. Ellis. You must tell me what sorts of books you like best. I might be able to recommend a few of my favorites, and then we could discuss them when we make our way out to study new rifts and so on. A small club, as it were.
[It's all fine.]
no subject
I would like to read your favorites. [ No commitment one way or another on the club. ] Archivist Dalat had left me some suggestions before his departure, but I've read almost all of them by now.
[ Ellis' tone is carefully neutral. ]
Are you heading to the Seneschal's office?
no subject
Ah, yes I am. There is a requisitions list I need to fetch from my little desk there. I can write down a selection of titles as well.
no subject
That would be very kind.
[ There is a pause where Ellis grasps for something to say. The urge to make a small plea for Tony's sake is high, but ultimately discarded. ]
Have you spoken to that Fitz anymore recently?
no subject
[Which sounds to her absent ear like a good thing to say instead of 'I've been busy and only have so much patience for describing the names of the calendar months.' Not that Mr. Fitz has asked. But she can imagine a conversation like that.
—Though. Come to think of it, someone should see him more well acquainted with the work.]
no subject
[ Not to imply Wysteria could ever be overwhelming. ]
But I wouldn't leave him on his own for too long. I'm sure it can be lonely to find yourself in this place unexpectedly.
no subject
no subject
[ Sorry, Fitz. ]
And I think this is your stop, aye?
[ And time for Ellis to literally pitch himself headfirst into the harbor. Circling back to the library isn't an option at this point. ]
no subject
Wysteria quietly removes her hand from inside the angle of his arm.]
And come to think of it now that we are here, there is a report I've been avoiding. I should see to it.
no subject
You can tell the Seneschal I kept you.
[ With a small smile, reaching to squeeze her hand. ]
It was kind of you to consult with me on my reading, when there are so many other demands on your time.
[ In lieu of anything useful, like a handkerchief: an excuse for Salvio who surely won't care. ]
no subject
Yes of course. [Said absently. Her hand shifts, fingers setting so she can squeeze his in return. It is like a thank you or a promise.] I'm always so grateful. To discuss books.
[Then her hand is gone from his. She smooths down her skirt and tucks some stray tangle of pale hair away.] Good day, Mr. Ellis. [And in a flurry of skirts slipping through the doorway, she is gone entirely save for the bright quality of her voice from the room beyond: 'Oh Seneschal, you are still here—']