[ blunt and unwavering. a beat of silence follows in the wake of it, the way the sound of a blow against armor clangs afterwards. ]
They could try. The Gallows is a very defensible position. I like our chances. I don't think it's worth it for them, when their attention is focused on holding what they've already invaded.
[ it's worth remembering, of course, that venatori power is very different than it'd been in the dreams; that was, allegedly, the point of them. he remembers other things, too. richard, eyes glittering in the firelight, as he calmly laid out the assertion that rifters were a poison to a dying world. petrana, by a different campfire, reminding him in no uncertain terms that this war is for them as much for theodosians. he remembers the conviction he'd felt in the dream, the determination not to let any of it come to pass.
he breathes out, slow. ]
I'd like to take a look at those letters, [ he says instead of anything else. is there anything else to say? ellis is obviously right. ]
Aye. They were filed. I don't see why you wouldn't be able to take a look at them. After what we saw in the dream, it's probably best they get some scrutiny.
[ he thinks of amos, in the dream. all carefully kept cave, complete with a goddamn goat, i was supposed to get you out. he thinks, more recently, of naomi. all bright smiles, snow in her hair and her hands, the confession, i've missed you.
when he speaks, it's slow, but certain. ]
If anything happens to me, [ and god knows, it's not just about venatori or the war; rifters can vanish without warning, him just as easily as anyone, ] there's people I want you to look out for.
[ maybe he should be more concerned about ellis's absence in the dream, where he'd gone, what that means for him and for a promise like this. and he is; he is. but this is a selfishness, one that feels right in this moment. ]
I could ask someone else. I'm not trying to make you do anything. They both have friends here, or they will.
[ and one another, for that matter; he's made a request like this to naomi, before. but that was home, not in thedas, a different place with different rules and a very different status assigned to them. which — they'd also have the organization of riftwatch, for that matter. this isn't a request coming from a place of rationality. ]
It'd just make me feel better, [ and the words twist, self-deprecating, this is a selfishness, ] to know someone else would keep an eye on them.
[ and maybe, goes un-admitted, some of his faith in riftwatch has gone shaken after the dream; at least concerning rifter's interests. ellis might've been absent for a lot of the dream, but that also meant he wasn't part of certain decisions they both hate. ]
[ Surely Holden gets the gist of it. He doesn't need to know that Ellis likely has worse odds than he does in terms of longevity, just that this is what needs to be done. ]
[ that awkward pause after you've swapped promises to protect people if one of you dies, for absolutely no reason whatsoever, everything here is fine. he considers adding, with my life, or, i promise.
instead, ]
If I find a lead worth following, you'll be the first to know.
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[ blunt and unwavering. a beat of silence follows in the wake of it, the way the sound of a blow against armor clangs afterwards. ]
They could try. The Gallows is a very defensible position. I like our chances. I don't think it's worth it for them, when their attention is focused on holding what they've already invaded.
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he breathes out, slow. ]
I'd like to take a look at those letters, [ he says instead of anything else. is there anything else to say? ellis is obviously right. ]
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[ and if one thing does, that means so can others. ]
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[ is this a silver lining? ]
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[ i am sorry that you—so many of you—have suffered. that was not my wish. well, she got her goddamned point across, and that can't be denied. ]
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[ what else is there to say? he suffered. holden suffered. tony and wysteria suffered. it was a dream, it taught them a lesson. ]
If you turn up something in those letters that bears a look, I'll come with you.
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I'd appreciate it. If I do, it wouldn't be a one-man job.
[ and it'd be worth, too, having people there who aren't shard-bearers. he pauses, long, before going on. ]
There's a favor I want to ask you.
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when he speaks, it's slow, but certain. ]
If anything happens to me, [ and god knows, it's not just about venatori or the war; rifters can vanish without warning, him just as easily as anyone, ] there's people I want you to look out for.
[ maybe he should be more concerned about ellis's absence in the dream, where he'd gone, what that means for him and for a promise like this. and he is; he is. but this is a selfishness, one that feels right in this moment. ]
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Why me?
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Because I trust you to do it. [ then, not without amusement, ] Is that a no?
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[ it's not a yes or a no. but that's the problem with ellis, most of the time, the tendency to side-step his way towards an answer. ]
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If something happens to you first, you can consider yourself off the hook.
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I could ask someone else. I'm not trying to make you do anything. They both have friends here, or they will.
[ and one another, for that matter; he's made a request like this to naomi, before. but that was home, not in thedas, a different place with different rules and a very different status assigned to them. which — they'd also have the organization of riftwatch, for that matter. this isn't a request coming from a place of rationality. ]
It'd just make me feel better, [ and the words twist, self-deprecating, this is a selfishness, ] to know someone else would keep an eye on them.
[ and maybe, goes un-admitted, some of his faith in riftwatch has gone shaken after the dream; at least concerning rifter's interests. ellis might've been absent for a lot of the dream, but that also meant he wasn't part of certain decisions they both hate. ]
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How can he say no now? Knowing what it means to Holden, knowing it's a kindess? ]
Aye, I understand.
[ The names are almost unnecessary. Ellis can guess at them. ]
Anything you need.
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Thank you.
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Amos? [ he prompts. ] Who else am I missing?
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[ he knows amos AND holden, and everyone in research basically, he's going to meet her. ]
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[ An easy promise, but as long as he's making promises of any sort— ]
And you'll do something for me. In exchange.
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I can do that. What do you need?
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[ Surely Holden gets the gist of it. He doesn't need to know that Ellis likely has worse odds than he does in terms of longevity, just that this is what needs to be done. ]
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readily, ]
Of course.
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but that's unfair. so he doesn't. ]
Alright then.
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instead, ]
If I find a lead worth following, you'll be the first to know.
[ from the letters. ]
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