when i go towards you it is with my whole life.
![]() | You came to the side of the bed and sat staring at me. Then you kissed me—I felt hot wax on my forehead. I wanted it to leave a mark: that’s how I knew I loved you. Because I wanted to be burned, stamped, to have something in the end— I drew the gown over my head; a red flush covered my face and shoulders. It will run its course, the course of fire, setting a cold coin on the forehead, between the eyes. You lay beside me; your hand moved over my face as though you had felt it also- you must have known, then, how I wanted you. We will always know that, you and I. The proof will be my body. — louise glück |


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"If anyone would have taught me, I think it might have been my grandfather but he died when I was still very small. And anyway, my mother certainly doesn't know anything about swimming so maybe he would have treated me differently when I wasn't a child."
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It's not such a surprise. He'd pieced together that Wysteria came from some kind of—
Nobility? Not exactly right. Well off, enough so that she was sheltered up until she wasn't.
"You won't have much reason to swim here either," Ellis admits, knowing that she'll keep busy in the Research office and apart from the Ambassador having a second beach party this year, she need not do this again unless it's for Ellis' own sake. "Maybe I should have taught you how to throw axes instead."
Luckily Ellis has some sense of concern for their fellow agents, enough that he wouldn't subject them to the lottery of Wysteria's aim.
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But eventually she does carefully disentangle one hand from where she is clinging to him. It's a touchy, skittish thing, gone and returned again in a few false starts before she tentatively follows direction.
"And I refuse to learn a second weapon when my rifle is so near to finished. You'll see why then."
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And regardless, he's enjoyed the rapid discussion of it across the table between her and Tony.
"How does it feel? Uncomfortable still?"
Which to Ellis' mind is the chief thing to tackle today, and everything else will come in time if he can persuade her into the water a second time.
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"I feel like a beetle that's fallen into a cup."
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Either way, it draws a bright peal of laughter from Ellis, head momentarily tipping back and arm shifting in her grasp before he recalls his task as tether and stills.
"Alright. Tell me, would you rather learn the back stroke or put your face in the water?"
The former is hardly going to dispel the beetle-like nature of the position, but the latter is almost certain to be met with some complaint. Ellis has drawn her in slightly, closer to him from where she'd drifted, propelled by the fidgety movement of her limbs.
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Her feet must find the ground for she's a little steadier when next she opens her eyes to look at him. With some legitimate confusion—
"What's meant to be so difficult about putting my face in the water?"
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Easy.
But Ellis doesn't say as much, leaving Wysteria to judge what is and isn't difficult.
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"Touch the bottom with our feet, you mean."
Right?
Right?
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Information delivered very serenely, his hand shifting to cover hers more securely.
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"Oh."
Well.
"Well."
Her feet are right there. It is not so far. Why, at least twice daily so bends so low to do the laces of her boots up. And yet.
"Perhaps you might explain the backstroke."
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"It's not so difficult. You can already float, so it's just a matter of coordinating your kicks with the movement of your arms."
Not so difficult.
Ellis seems to consider this, then amends—
"You've already been kicking, enough that if I'd stepped back you might have gone along without any issue. The arm movement, it's just..."
A break to demonstrate with his free hand, making a wide circle once, then again. He doesn't point out the obvious. It's not the kind of thing she can do with only one of her hands free.
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After a beat—
"I suppose I don't need to tell you that I dislike both these options," she says in perfect miserable deadpan where she bobs restlessly in the water right alongside him.
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But those are the options.
Unless she opts for the third option, which is to get out of the water entirely. Ellis assumes Wysteria knows she has that, and at whatever point she tires of this she will revert to it. It's a pleasant day. She can wade along the shallows and they can eat what he'd packed and ride back and it would still have been successful, in Ellis' book.
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"This is nonsense," she declares, which may be in reference to the subject of swimming or regarding her hesitations. Either way— "But so long as we're out here and my hair is wet already, then we may as well touch the bottom while we're at it."
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The small smile on his face is more for the way Wysteria steels herself, turns stubborn in the wake of the frown. Ellis reaches back for her under the water, finding her waist rather than her newly freed hand. If he were a different kind of man, he might have something clever to say, some flattering turn of phrase to sum up his admiration.
Instead, he has the light squeeze of his hands at her hips, stood close to her in the water.
"When we put our hands on the floor of this pond, shout that as loud as you like. That it's nonsense."
Marginally more proper than the profanity his own teachers had suggested.
"Come up when you've done."
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"Yes yes, shout as loud as I can. Come up once I've finished. Easy enough. I will count it down from three."
Is like a dare. So crisply, without hesitation: "Threetwoonego."
With a great suck of air, Wysteria plunks her face down unto the water and wills herself to lunge down through it.
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The water isn't exactly clear, but when he opens his eyes, Wysteria is easily seen. Wisps of gold hair float up around her face. Their knees bump. Ellis feels his held breath like a vise around his chest, pressure vibrating as he looks at her.
Instead of touching the pond floor, he puts his hands over hers.
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She doesn't know that she shouts anything so much as she just yells—a pitched shriek gone flat from the press of water and all the space in it, bubbling out in that narrow space between the bump of their knees and the tangle of fingers even as she's tugged gently upward. Loses contact with the bottom of the pond.
When she runs out of air to shout with, she jams her legs straight. Hand closed tight over his wrist, Wysteria makes to dredge him back up with her.
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But she yells and Ellis does not, distracted first by her and then by the insistent upwards tug of her hand. It feels like a success, so much so that the first spluttering gasp of air as he breaks the surface, clumsily staggering a step forward before getting his bearings.
"Was it as terrible as you expected?" he asks, voice light with a mingling of amusement and affection. His wrist turns slightly in her grip, fingers coming up to link around her wrist in return.
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"It was—" Blinking back water, she looks at him and is struck by the humor in his face and how the water has stuck his dark eyelashes all together in places.
"No, it wasn't terrible. Only awful." Her hand drifts to cover her nose and mouth. From behind it—"And I think water went up into my nose, which seems like it ought not to happen."
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Surely this is a point in it's favor: there's no need to put her face back into the water.
"Do you want me to demonstrate it?" is a little concession to the sense that he's not as adept an instructor as he would like to be.
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"If you would. I may as well know what it's meant to look like." Much though it means—
Carefully, Wysteria undoes her hand from about his wrist. Untethers herself.
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Belatedly, some spark of self-consciousness manifests. This is not as similar to displaying the right way to nock an arrow as he'd thought.
But the sense of it fades by degrees once he's properly aligned in the water. Ellis circles her once, in easy, smooth sweeps before angling back in towards her and letting himself catch hold of her waist to break the momentum rather than continue. Reclining in the water, he kicks lightly, drifting back close to her as he turns an inquisitive look up to her.
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He looks very well in the water, is a distant and largely abstract thought. It falls in line with a great host of things Ellis is so accomplished at: swimming, and swinging a mace, and being an excellent hiker, and sound in any situation where tensions are pressed high, yes. But also things like how readily he digs into the earth. The cultivation of a hundred gentle little flowers in the shadows garden of the house in Hightown. His hands and shirt front streaked with dust from the tidying of that place.
--Is not a thing she thinks about, really. But the sensation, low in the center of her, is the same here as then. So that when he looks at her, she says first:
"You're very good at that."
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put a bow on this y/n
Yyy
coolcool yell your wishes at me for a new thing into discord and i will grant them