when i go towards you it is with my whole life.
![]() | You came to the side of the bed and sat staring at me. Then you kissed me—I felt hot wax on my forehead. I wanted it to leave a mark: that’s how I knew I loved you. Because I wanted to be burned, stamped, to have something in the end— I drew the gown over my head; a red flush covered my face and shoulders. It will run its course, the course of fire, setting a cold coin on the forehead, between the eyes. You lay beside me; your hand moved over my face as though you had felt it also- you must have known, then, how I wanted you. We will always know that, you and I. The proof will be my body. — louise glück |


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"Oh now, I should think. Otherwise we might ask one another questions all evening and never get round to doling out the prizes."
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He might say something. Wysteria's old rules, instructing: You're meant to ask first.
There is a slight pull of a smile instead, working at Ellis' face as he lifts a hand to set gentle fingers along her jaw. Ellis tips her face up as he bends down to meet her, and set a kiss to her mouth. He takes his time there, lingering close, kissing her thoroughly because there was no mention in the rules as to what sort of kiss he might give her.
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That said, it's a better kiss than she's expecting. If their positions were reversed, she might have kissed his cheek or his temple or only given him a chaste little kiss on the mouth like a playful tug at his tunic hem. This is not that. It's full and sweet and patient. The scrape of his beard is pleasantly chafing. It doesn't bring the heat back into her face. Rather, the kiss serves to cool some nervous impulse. It makes for a fine point on which to focus so that when they do part, the buzzing of her attention has narrowed and quieted considerably.
Nevermind the silly subterfuge and her almost stabbing him to death with a hair pin. The room is very thoughtful, and it's kind that he's gone to so much effort to make her happy.
Wysteria's face remains turned up toward him, her mouth soft. But she doesn't let him withdraw very far before asking—
"Which is your favorite color?"
See. She can be kind too.
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"Generous," is not a color, but it's said almost against her lips, murmured against the corner of her mouth. It's against the rules, isn't it? Stealing a kiss when he hasn't given her an answer.
So he tells her, "Blue," as his fingers slip along the arch of her neck, graze the fabric of her collar, as he kisses her again. It's just as thorough. He braces his free hand on one arm of the chair as he bows down to her.
Maybe these aren't the sort of kisses the game requires. But they are what he has to give, all tenderness and focus narrowed down to every place their bodies meet before he straightens up.
"Do you prefer the Gallows or the Hightown house?"
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"Hightown," she says. Her hands are still neatly folded on the table despite the wandering of his. "But only on account of what's been done with it. Your little garden is very sweet and I like the privacy of my work room and its very amusing to have a little side gate and all that. I don't dislike the Gallows like some people do though. And I enjoy the ferry. Now bend so I can kiss you, or help me up from this chair."
She waggles a hand impatiently at him.
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Their noses bump. Ellis presses his smile once more against the corner of her mouth. His thumb slides along her jawline.
He kisses her again. He takes his time about it. Maybe this is less about the game and more about how good it is to hear that the garden pleases her. All this time later, and he is still glad to hear it.
"Am I allowed to give you a gift on our wedding night?"
Something that risks innuendo, surely, but.
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And then because it's only fair, she steals a brief kiss from the corner of his mouth. If he's going to be such a cheat then turn about is only fair—
"But yes. I don't see why that shouldn't be allowed."
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It is a surprisingly difficult question.
The fact that he has to think on it at all is what makes him pause. The strangeness of the thing draws out the space between her answer and his, Ellis' thumb running back and forth across her knuckles as he thinks.
"Suppose I haven't a favorite friend?"
Apart from the pair of them, of course.
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"I'm not counting that as one of your questions." Obviously. "If you really can't rank them, then I will make do with the names of whoever comes most instantly to mind today. I know that some days it can be difficult to pick favorites."
(She's heard, anyway. She could name her preferences at any moment.)
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She is being gentle with him. Ellis can sense the difference, though he can't quite decide how he might thank her for it.
There is another moment though, where Ellis turns the question over. Considers, casting about until settling up—
"Richard."
Punctuated by a little squeeze of her hand, silent request for payment now that an answer has been provided.
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Ha ha ha we have fun here.
Pleased with herself, she tips forward and kisses Ellis primly on his brow. Maybe this marks the end of her generosity.
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"I do like to listen when the pair of you discuss your work."
Discuss or argue over the feasibility of any given thing, surely these are interchangable.
But it does delay his next question, his mouth at her knuckles a moment before returning their hands to her lap.
"Out of all that we've done together, which part of it have you liked best?"
And this is a deliberately broad question. He might be asking after all their adventures. He might be asking after all the books they've shared. He might be asking after all the ways he's kissed her. Interpretation is a very subjective thing.
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Whether or not she grasps the full breadth of the question seems to have no effect on the thing's sincerity. She is quite chipper when she says it, a sudden burst of twittering good humor and all attempts at subterfuge or coyness more or less momentarily forgotten.
So much for her feminine wiles.
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"I've no plans to stop, so that's good to hear."
And yes, he is meant to stretch up to claim a kiss, but he follows this response with a question—
"Is there a winner of this game?"
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Wysteria archly clears her throat. With her free hand, she draws up the hem of her skirts by the scant inches necessary to expose one of her caramel colored boots with the familiar blue ribbon lacings. They are grown worn and soft now from the great deal and traipsing about Kirkwall she has done in them. One shoe is turned out.
"Unlace it if you please, Mister Ellis. For I have no answer for you."
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Not that they'll be following that route, but that doesn't mean the rest of Kalvad wasn't following some approximation of it.
The moment of hesitation passes. His hands catch up her booted foot, heel and then ankle, as he says, "I owe you two questions," while he begins working loose the lacings.
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"In that case, my first question is how do you intend to persuade the spirit in my house to let you stay in it? And my second question is—" Turning her ankle a little to help his efforts, Wysteria searches for a worthwhile question. "Will you be terribly disappointed if a Rifter can't have babies? I don't know for certain whether or not there is any issue, but I imagine—"
That Madame de Cedoux is young enough still to be having them, is strictly not something she can say because it would imply that she has given Madame de Cedoux's courtship any consideration whatsoever.
"That someone would have made it a topic of conversation by now. If Rifters could."
Despite the potential dreadfulness of the question, Wysteria asks it with all the good cheer of that first easy question. As if this is as straightforward as What's your favorite color.
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It does not cease the methodical work of his hands. His head remains bowed over her boot as his fingers work the ribbons to a satisfactory laxness. He is quiet as he eases the boot from her foot. One hand cradles her heel as he sets the discarded item aside. His thumb sweeps along her ankle.
"I intend to consult Kostos Averesch. And I expect to wear my breastplate for the first few months, while we wait for your housemate to tire of trying to drive me out."
Fortunately, he has had several years to grow accustomed to ducking whenever he enters a room.
But as to the second question—
Ellis' head has not lifted. He has shifted from crouch to kneeling on the floorboards, and his knees have not yet begun to protest. The loose grasp of his hand eventually guides her foot to the top of his thigh, and his grip shifts to resettle at her ankle instead.
It is tempting to answer a question with a question, but Wysteria would not appreciate it unless he provided some answer first. And so he must think: is there any part of him left that might grieve the loss of something he'd already considered torn from him?
"No," Ellis say finally, the word tumbling like a stone from his mouth. It is true and it is not true. He is having a hard time parsing the emotion the prospect raises.
So he tries, stumbling over the words to explain, "I haven't thought I would father any children. Not for a long time."
But once—
No.
"You couldn't disappoint me," is straightforwardly true. Ellis settles on it as his thumb draws along her ankle, back and forth, while he raises his head to look at her.
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In a sense, it's the answer she'd expected. Typically reserved, carefully reassuring. To say that she is suspicious of it isn't really true. Just—
"You're right." Wysteria flashes a whip quick smile at him. She's going to tell a joke now. "I'm not terribly motherly, am I?"
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What she receives is a smile, muted but sincere, as he regards her.
"Neither was my mother."
A thing said that Ellis wishes to take back. It invites ghosts into the room with them. He regrets speaking it aloud.
"Do you want children?" is not a question Ellis intended to ask a moment ago. But he wants to know now. Had Wysteria once wanted children for herself? It seems unlikely. Ellis knows her to aspire to many things, but not motherhood.
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"I suppose. Though you know, I had decided to have more than one. That way even if there were no other children about, they might be friends to one another. It's a very grim sort of situation to only have friends your age when you go off to visit cousins and so on. Anyway, it's a different thing to consider here than in Kalvad. And I doubt it would pair very well with this Riftwatch business, so it may be all for the best.
"But," she says, prattling on. "I think you would have been perfectly suited to it. You mind your chickens very carefully, Mister Ellis."
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It is pretty to think of.
What kind of father would he be to children now? Children are not chickens. They need more from a man than a scattering of feed.
"You owe me a kiss," Ellis says instead of thanking her for the compliment. Or contradicting her. He turns his face up, grip loosening on her ankle.
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Elbows removed from the chair's arm, Wysteria reaches for him before she really sways down: her hands, which are both a little rough work and one limned in the green glow of the anchor buried in its palm, catching him at either side of his face so she might encourage the tilt of his chin or set her nails just there—gently into the curls about his temples.
The first kiss she gives him is quickly applied to his cheek. The second is pressed firmly to Ellis' mouth.
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Or rather, he kneels up, prolonging their kiss rather than allowing any sliver of distance between them. Her hands feel good where they are, heels of her palm bracketing his face.
One hand has come to rest loosely at the bend of her knee. Ellis doesn't need to be steadied, but he keeps his hand there while he reaches further, finds the arm of the chair and leans in closer to her. It is begging stay with his entire body.
There is a game they're playing and she is meant to ask a question and he is meant to be bestowing a kiss. Does this count as one kiss or two? Does the lack of a sufficient pause mean this is still Wysteria's kiss?
Questions for whenever she breaks away in earnest. Not for Ellis to ask now.
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(That too is a very broad thought. It might apply to the shaded parts of the life Ellis led before Riftwatch, or to this business of kissing and bodies, or simply the silly discrepancies between Kalvad and Thedas that even now despite years of experience occassionally catch her unawares.)
It makes for a very sweet kiss, doesn't it? And while it's doubtless that the semantics of the game might be debatable, it seems clear that Wysteria considers the lack of sufficient pause to be a defining trait to the exchange. When she breaks back from him, it's brief. The smallest hesitating punctuation—not to debate whether she should kiss him again, but how exactly.
Slowly, she decides. It's a kiss designed to take full mechanical advantage of his leaning up to her, and her fingers at his temples that might quietly encourage more severity from the angle. Not tentative, really, but testing in the same way she might any other idea.
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reuploading an icon specifically for this
doing gods work
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1000.... tosses confetti
what an accomplishment
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